Dear You,

Yes, you. I know how hard it may seem, trying to break out of your shell. I know how challenging it is to do everything you want to be. The path towards the light often turns out scary — having been sheltered throughout the years by the very people whom you’ve always loved.

The past 20 or so years were filled with love, joy, laughter, tears, sorrow, anxiety, and a whole lot more. It has been a roller coaster ride so far. Filled with ups and downs, moments of breakdowns — to the point of actually giving up.

When will it end, you’d ask? When can I finally break loose? Free to go anywhere I want. Dance in the rain like a mad man does. When can I leave home before dawn and return when the stars are already at peace?

When can I travel the world without fear of strangers whom I might bump into? When can I explore the universe and marvel at the moon as I lay down at the beach at night with someone dear to me? These questions keep on bugging me every day.

open letter to freedom

I love the way flowers bloom but can’t seem to touch them. The leaves wither every time I try to breathe on them. When will I be free?

I keep on asking this question… so many times that I also became numb. Numb to the point of losing hope.

Sometimes, it gets too exhausting for me. The concept of freedom seems far for me to grasp. I feel like I’m drowning in ocean of safety — never knowing where I’d end up. Or at least swim to.

The waves are so large that I can’t scream for help. The dolphins are nearby, but they can’t hear my voice… my inner voice saying, “Help!”

Oh, how exhausting. I tried to catch my breath.

There, I saw a glint of light. I waved over and saw someone.

A reflection. Yes, I saw myself. As clear as the waters was an identical vision of myself: far different from how I looked like that fateful day. Free. Free as a bird. Majestic as the rays of sunlight.

That was how I envisioned myself. I wanted to spread my wings and fly like the freest bird in the sky. I wanted to experience life as the ‘others’ would often narrate their stories of freedom.

How they’ve managed to conquer their fears by joining a pilgrimage with totally unknown people from all parts of the globe. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, having been victorious in climbing the summit of the mountain. I wanted to paint graffiti on walls without even getting caught. I wanted to spend the day with the love of my life without ever regretting that I did not reach home by 5PM. All these and more.

My dreams of becoming free may soon turn into reality… if only… if only… if only I could.